Hey y’all and welcome back to the blog! I hope you are having a lovely day.

One of the biggest decisions to make when you have a baby is how you will feed the baby. Some breastfeed, some formula feed, and some do a combo. It is such a unique journey for each individual woman, which is why I think it is important to share my journey with you. And before I fully dive into it, I want to preface by saying the typical “fed is best” because seriously, a baby that is fed is all that matters.

When I had my oldest, Andee, I hadn’t thought too much about breastfeeding vs formula feeding other than I wanted to try breastfeeding. I wasn’t the type of person to be too heartbroken over whatever outcome was necessary for me, my baby, and my family. I worked hard for two weeks to breastfeed her, but my milk never really came in. Come to find out, it was because I hemorrhaged in her delivery.

After two weeks of pumping, trying breastfeeding first before supplementing with formula, and Andee and I both hating it, we decided to make the switch from breastfeeding to formula feeding. This decision was an easy one for me because I felt like I had really done my part to make breastfeeding work (herbal remedies, consulting with lactation specialists, researching and reading, medication, feeding in different positions, etc.).

As it turns out, formula feeding worked really well for us. It was easier to share the feeding load, especially considering I wasn’t really able to pump any milk to even begin to share the feeding load while attempting to breastfeed. And we purchased a Baby Brezza, which is like a Keurig for bottles. Like for real y’all, it makes a perfectly warm bottle in less than five seconds. This made our life so much easier. We still packed a bottle warmer when we went to someone else’s house, but overall it was a pretty easy transition.

Fast forward to my second baby, James, being born two years later, and I knew I wanted to try breastfeeding again. For some strange reason, it was more important to me to be successful at it this time around than it was with Andee. Why?… I really have no idea. Maybe I was just craving the bonding experience and the ability to try things differently with him. And maybe having a miscarriage before getting pregnant with James added to it because I really wanted to do absolutely everything I could to keep him safe and healthy.

When James was born he went to the NICU for a few days, which concerned me for a lot of reasons, but one was wondering how I was going to breastfeed my baby when he was hooked up to so many machines and not with me. Thankfully the NICU nurses were absolutely incredible and helped me breastfeed as best as we could every three hours. They were nurturing and gentle and really listened to my wants and desires.

Turns out breastfeeding was way easier this time around and I was really loving it. Yes, it was a lot of work – more than formula feeding. And yes, it was hard seeing my boobs become even bigger… how that is even possible, I don’t know. The leaky boobs also weren’t my most favorite thing, but I loved the bonding experience and the connection I had with James. I loved being able to hold him close and that I was able to be everything he needed.

After the first week of breastfeeding, I realized that Andee was really struggling with not being able to interact with me in the same way because I constantly had James on a boob. And I really missed spending time with her too. She started acting out and scratching James a lot. I also realized my husband wasn’t getting to bond with James much because I always had him. So I decided to start focusing on pumping more. I was hopeful that this would give Keenan a chance to feed James and me a chance to spend more time with Andee.

Well… turns out the pump hates my boobs. Seriously. Hates. My. Boobs. It would take me two hours to pump a single ounce of breastmilk, which was enough for a single bottle for a two week old, but not enough past that. I tried to pump several times a day, meaning I had the pump on me for 4 to 6 hours everyday. This in turned limited me even more on the time and attention I could give Andee.

After a month of really trying to make pumping work, we switched to supplementing with formula, but only for one bottle a day. It felt so good to be free of the pump, but I quickly realized only being able to give up one feeding a day for Keenan to do didn’t really solve my problems. This is because we were using the one formula bottle a day for one of our night time feedings, which is when Andee was sleeping. So we started supplementing with more formula.

When James was two months old, we were at the point where we were doing 2 to 3 formula bottles a day and I was breastfeeding the rest of the time. Then I slowly started to realize that James was constantly hungry after breastfeeding and that he always wanted to be on the boob. I know he was probably soothing himself a bit, but I also think I wasn’t making enough milk for him. When I realized that he was on the boob for about 45 minutes each feed and he still wasn’t satisfied is when I decided to make the final transition from breastfeeding to formula feeding.

At exactly 12 weeks, our breastfeeding journey was over. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit sad about this, but I also felt a sense of freedom and like I was making the right choice for my whole family. I do look back at pictures of me breastfeeding James often, and I really miss that time. I am so so grateful to have gotten 12 weeks of that special bonding time with my baby, but I’m also grateful to be able to spend time with my other baby without constraints.

But dang y’all, motherhood and all the choices and emotions that it brings is one hard beast to navigate, but it’s worth every single second of it. My only advice based off my experience would be to follow what you think is best for you and your family because at the end of the day, you’re the only one that knows what you all need.

I hope this was helpful and I wish you luck with where ever you are at in your feeding journey. You got this mama!